April 2007
14 posts
Fecal Emergency Classification →
This makes me laugh every time I read it - strangely it’s even funnier now that Sprog is on the scene…
Stages of Labour
1st stage: Contractions - Lasts approx 12 hours
2nd stage: Pushing - Takes about 2 hours or so
3rd stage: Afterbirth - Roughly an hour
4th stage: Parental Guilt - Duration: FOREVER!!!!
“what the?!…*$%!… flippin’ arrrrgghhh….”
– Me and Husband trying to install wireless printer server
Zzzz
Sprog slept from 8:30pm to 6:30 am today which is mundo great as I have a cold. What a considerate child I have produced. Yay for my parenting skills!! (For any Americans reading that was meant to be ironic…you know, like when you say one thing but you actually mean something else? Oh never mind…)
Retroblog - Sprog 4 weeks old
Email to work: “…Today is my first day home alone = yikes… so far i have got 1/2 dressed (stillwearing 1/2 my pj’s and have managed to have 1 cup of coffee and a chocolate bar to eat.. i think this could be the answer to many people’s weight loss problems… just hire a baby for several week sna dthere will be no time to eat… going to try and scoff something...
Cheek!
I’ve just realsied the real reason babies have no teeth and huge chubby cheeks, it’s so when they headbutt you accidentally for the 500th time they don’t hurt themselves.
“…no sugar?! no alcohol??!!…”
– Granny on discovering the formula for Gripewater has changed somewhat in the last 30 years
Sleeping
Wow - I woke up at 6:20 today, the same time that Sprog woke up. What a surprise to find he’d snoozled soundly from 9:30pm to morning. Of course the extreme crying at 9pm last night probably tired him out but hey - a nights sleep is a nights sleep as far as I’m concerned.
“…most effective at removing oily substances…”
– Johnson’s Baby Lotion Bottle.
There sure are a lot of ‘substances’ where babies are involved…
Num...
Awesome, just got a wonky KitKat where there is more chocolate than biscuit - woo! In a fit of generosity I just left it for Hubsand to eat…
Nappy Malfunction
1am Sprog complaining in a fairly polite manner… is soggy up to arm pits. D’oh… swab down, realise duvet is also soggy as due to my incompetence sprog sleeps in with me. Double d’oh… rotate duvet 180 degrees. Sorted.
6am Sprog enjoying looking at mobile (not phone silly) in a rare visit to his cot. There is a slight disturbance..again…wet upto the armpits. What...
Dummies, a nightly routine
Sprog: wargh... um um um
Me: Urrnggng... [insterts dummy]
Sprog: uh uh uhng
Me: hrgnh? [re-inserts dummy]
Sprog: urn uh uh uhnng
Me: grrrgh?! [puts dummy back in]
Sprog: meh meh uh *cough*
Me: hsssssrgh!!!??? [dummy carefully placed in cakehole]
Scrambled
in more ways than one… today I ate my hastily made scrambled egg while kneeling on the floor, re-inserting dummy every 22.5 seconds and fending off the cat who also likes scrambled eggs…
