February 2012
3 posts
Dark Secret
I just tried (and failed) to collect Sprog from ‘holiday club’… when I got there the school was deserted and the gates locked. I gave up and came home for a cup of tea. I’m wondering if:
they were in the pub over the road
they have been bussed out somewhere to work as cheap labour
they’ve all been doped and are sitting quietly somewhere in school
I’m not...
“Is she alive?”
– Sprog when I mentioned God…
Death
Our family cat, Boris, who was 16 and lived with my mother died yesterday. He’d been in fine fettle the day before, his usual caterwauling, tray clanging, cupboard banging self. Being clever he’d learned to bang the cupboard for biscuits and the trays by the fridge for meat, if only someone had made him a Stephen Hawking style speech synthesiser, I think he would have had a lot to...
January 2012
10 posts
Herman the German Cake →
Am considering starting one of these, Husband has revealed he ate them as a child plus it will solve the problem of Sprog wanting a pet…
Impending Arrival
We told Sprog today that he will hopefully have a baby sister or brother sometime in early July, thankfully he was really pleased. His first thoughts:
Can he be there to see it ‘come out’
How does it get out?!
He wants to choose the name
If it’s good it can sleep in his room on the floor by his bed, if it’s naughty it will have to sleep in our room
He wants it to come...
“Does it make you die more quickly?”
– Trying to explain some diet cereal we saw in the shop - we’re not a low calorie kind of household so he’s probably never heard the word ‘diet’ before…
Dear Me of 5th January 2012
Thanks for making those two Lasagnes so I’ve not had to cook today. Awesome!
Survivor Guilt
We survived Sprog’s low key birthday party which was quite tiring despite not having to do that much. Luckily it was a joint party with a kid from school and was held at the local soft play place so the whole class was invited. I did party bags, the other parent did snacks, we mingled and I tried (and mostly failed) to remember who all the other children were and their parents names. Eveyone...
“Are they ladies?”
– Sprog sees the BeeGees for the first time…
“It smells like a farm!”
– Have just discovered the neighbours backing on to us have started keeping pigs…
WatchBest Pingu episode ever…
From Jason Good: Approximately 3 Minutes Inside... →
Amazingly accurate account of a toddler mindset!
December 2011
6 posts
Urgh
Making Sprog do jogging on the Wii Fit so I can collapse in a heap… love modern technology…
“If Christmas is the season of peace and goodwill, how come most children’s...”
Christmas card dilemma
Sprog has got Christmas cards from over 50% of his classmates, he’s not that bothered about getting them and there are several he’s not even opened. Do I (I know it will end up being me) write 30 small cards to give 30 small kids who more than likely don’t really care? Will we be the outcasts if I don’t bother?!
WatchSuch a sweet song - I don’t understand why Foxy Shazam aren’t super famous…
Christmas Carols Sponsored by Accurist
“Good timings we bring,
to you and your king,
I wish you a merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year”
Sprog’s version…
November 2011
3 posts
Normally Challenged: 10 things about parenting... →
I like this a lot… real life advice from bujnik
Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Sprog just told me it was parents evening… I vaguely remembered making an appointment for 4.45…. he told me this at 6pm. Cue heart attack and frantic diary checking. Parents evening is next Thursday. Phew.
October 2011
9 posts
Beard Slap!
tastefullyoffensive:
Time Bandits
Just tried to set the waking up sunrise clock thingy and the upstairs clock so Sprog will not get out of bed so early in the morning… I’ve now realised I wound them 20 mins forward instead of 20 mins back… which will mean he’ll try to get up even earlier. Oh dear.
Manners
A (grown up) guest who had stayed the night was departing...
Guest: It was lovely to see you all, thanks for letting us stay, bye everyone, bye Sprog [backing towards door]
Sporg: Now what do you say?
Guest: Erm?
[We are all agog]
Sprog: You are supposed to say say "Thank-you for having me"
Unreliable witness?
Sprog is being extra loud and not quietening down when I ask him.
Me: What does your teacher say when you're all being noisy in school?
Sprog: She waves a tambourine around
Me: What does she say though, to make you all be quiet?
Sprog: She shouts "GUYS! You all need to be quiet or else I'll smack all your bottoms except [insert Sprog's name] as he is being good!"
September 2011
12 posts
“Do mummies get crosser than daddies?”
– Oh dear…
Reedin'
Me: [Writing 'Mummy'] What does that say?
Sprog: Mummy!
Me: [Writing Sprog's name] And what does this say?
Sprog: [Gleefully] My name!
Me: [Writing 'cat'] How about this?
Sprog: Erm...?
Me: What are the letters?
Sprog: c....a....t
Me: So what do you think it says?
Sprog: [Very excited] James!!
Do worms have eyes?
Thank God for Google… apparently they don’t, but they do have the ability to sense light and dark via light detecting cells. Phew.
“Look a ‘Big Leg Daddy’!!!”
– aka a Daddy Long Legs
1 tag
“Sell rhymes with girl”
– Sprog has adopted the 1950’s Enid Blyton pronounciation of ‘girl’
www.emotionalbagcheck.com →
I like the idea of this but am having to resist the urge to send everyone “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from Monty Python
Reality?
Sprog’s claims about first day at school:
Did not play or talk with anyone
Everybody was fighting
Teaching assistant’s claims about first day at school:
He played/chatted with lots of kids
He got a star for sharing with another kid
School home visit
Today Sprog’s teacher and teaching assistant visited us at home (I’m hoping they didn’t notice the bleach stains on my top - they were 15 mins early!). Sprog was silent for the duration… I assured them he does talk… usually constantly. They gave us a bookstart treasure box which Sprog is thrilled with - I’m liking their use of bribery.
“Do Penguins sleep lying down?”
– Thank goodness for Wikipedia….
August 2011
5 posts
“Mummy, I’m worried a scientist might try and get in the house…”
– Sprog develops an irrational fear of scientists.
People don't change
Which is kind of a shame when you see some of the little gits at soft play…
July 2011
9 posts
Great minds
bujnik replied to your post: The joke’s on me
“What’s brown and sticky?” A STICK.
Haha - this was the only joke I could actually think of, he was perplexed by it. Excellent though joke obviously!
The joke's on me
Sprog is keen to know about jokes and we couldn’t think of any so we spent £1.25 in a charity shop on what appears to be the worst joke book ever. I’m now requesting joke suggestions - suitable for a 4yr old obviously!!!