July 2010
3 posts
“No I won’t put you on the swing - go and ask your mummy!!”
– Me to annoying kid in the park who seemed to assume I would happily look after him while his mother sat on her backside on the other side of the park. Torn between feeling sorry that his mum can’t be bothered and feeling that I also can’t be bothered. Obviously I was pushing...
June 2010
6 posts
Devenir en gris
Sprog was in a horrible mood. I guess we all have bad days so I was trying to explain to him that it’s not nice to be horrible to people. I hear myself say “if you’re horrible then no one will be your friend, and horrible people can’t go and do nice things” and as I say this I just think, well, that’s not true at all is it? People who are horrible seem to do okay as far as I can tell… just...
“Can the cleaner please go to aisle 43… spillage.”
– Tannoy in Sainsbury’s after Sprog did a wee in aisle 43…
May 2010
13 posts
The things people will do for $5 →
Yay for grubby urchins! →
Reblogged from shitmykidsruined:
Don’t know about you, but this reading this made me happy! Who feels vindicated? Take that super-clean people!! ;)
“I can’t because I am a dolphin.”
– Sprog on why he couldn’t hang up his coat
GivesMeHope.com →
The antidote to FML…
“She scratched me with her terrible clawwwwwws!”
– I think Sprog has been reading too much Gruffalo… the cat scratched him after he annoyed her too much…
Meow Mania →
Sprog: Can I draw on my hand? [Gesturing towards biro]
Me: If you must, but I don’t think that sort of pen works very well on hands…
Sprog: It worked okay on Joshua’s hand the other day!
In my defence I think in the grand scheme of things drawing on hands isn’t too bad… though drawing on other people’s hand is not ideal…
“It’s a super quick access bucket of immeasurable depth!”
– Sometimes I wonder if sales people go and snort something when they sneak off to the loo mid meeting…
Sh*t My Kids Ruined →
I feel lucky in comparison…
Fail
Sprog: Have you tidied the kitchen
Me: Yes! [surprised he'd noticed] Does it look better?
Sprog: [Thinks for a moment] You should try again...
April 2010
8 posts
“I thought it was a sweet… but it wasn’t.”
– Sprog reflects on taking a small black snail from the outstretched hand of the lovely nursery girl (who was showing it to the children) putting it in his mouth, then removing from mouth as everyone recoiled in horror…
Past tense according to Sprog
Drinken’d
Putten’d
Taken’d
“My Spot camed off!!”
– Sprog - offering me a giant scab..
Regret No. 4593
“Run Forrest Run!” bellowed Sprog at the man walking briskly into Sainsburys….
Museum of Bad Art →
“I’ve got Chicken Pops!”
– Sprog’s name for Chicken Pox - sounds like something from KFC…
Supervision
Me: [Returning from Post Office errand] Did you be good for Nana and Papa?
Sprog: Yes, they looked after me!
Me: That's nice isn't it?
Sprog: Yes. They didn't bite me...
March 2010
15 posts
How Millennial Are You? →
Pedantic
Sprog: Aaaarghiiiiiiiwantmyyyyyyshoooorrrtsssaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!
Husband: What did he say?
Me: He said, "I want my shorts, waa-aargh"
Sprog: [Indignant] I didn't say "waa-aargh!"
Weird typing thing →
Sprog likes it…
Husband on delegating
I asked Sprog if he could do me a favour… I then had to explain to him what “a favour” was so it would probably have been quicker to go and do it myself…
Post Lunch Debrief
Me: Did you like your yoghurt?
Sprog: It's gone up...
Me: [Fearing youghurt/mess scenario] Gone up where?
Sprog: It's gone up in my tummy.
Me: UP in your tummy?! Not down?
Sprof: It's gone in my throat and gone up my throat in my head, and i can hear something in my head. I eat some yukky yogurt for lunch and see in the dark, really big dark and in really really big snow... I feel a bit poorly... [wanders off]
Cruel and unusual punishment?
Confiscating socks.
What My Kids Art Says →
Critique of childrens’ artistic endeavours…
Receipt generator →
I hope no one from accounts is reading this… not that I ever have any expenses…
February 2010
12 posts
Shopping
Me: Hmmmmm [standing in shop deciding what to buy]
Sprog: You are a naughty mummy
Me: Why?!
Sprog: Because you are not buying anything...
Make a visual baby monitor with Skype →
That is quite a cool idea… though not quite sure when it would actually get used…
Things you don't want to hear when you're trying...
Sprog: [Bellowing up the stairs] Daddeeeeeeeeeeee!
Husband: Ye-es?
Sprog: [Referring to self in 3rd person] Sprog has made a mess on the floor and on my slippers and on my trousers...
Almost worth buying an i-phone for →
The Cry Translator…